A half-boy half-girl looked back at me in the mirror abovethe vanity, all silk and lace below the waist. I went to work on myboyish face: a bit of foundation, some eye liner and lip gloss were thelimits of my expertise. Then the wig, a cute layered shag that instantlytransformed me into a pretty girl.My heart was racing as I hurried back into the bedroom to put on mydress. I had to step into it, sliding the straps up over my shoulders,and it took me a few tries before I was able to tie them behind my neckin a bow. The final challenge: I picked up the two small nerf balls I'dbrought and tucked them into my dress. Success! They nestled snuglyinto the built-in bra, and gave me the illusion of a figure. I wasalmost in a trance as I stepped into my pumps, and at first I didn't hearthe soft tapping on the bedroom door. "Jay, can I come in?"It was Andy's mom. "Okay," I whispered, and watched as she poked herhead into the room. I'll never forget the look on her startled. ” I wasn’t crying but I simply looked down as I told Mary what had happened. She gave me a hug and said she was sorry. She told me, “I don’t know much about being in love but I do know that when you lose someone, it helps to have loved ones around you. You need to find someone else and move on. I’m not saying you should forget Elizabeth but I’m sure she would want you to be happy.” I stared into her eyes and she gave me a warm smile. I felt something for this girl. I wasn’t sure what it was but I felt the need to have her around. Maybe she was right. Maybe I did need to find someone else. It wouldn’t be the same though. I love and will always love Elizabeth. It seemed impossible for me to love someone else but I was only 34 and had a long life ahead of me if nothing went wrong. I thought about finding someone else but Elizabeth’s face came up every time. Also I felt like I would be betraying her even though she was gone. Mary must have deduced what I was thinking because she grabbed.
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